Monday, January 14, 2008

Macworld Predictions: What's in the Air?

So, Apple put up a banner in Moscone Center with the line: Something in the Air. In a refreshing blast of sanity, Macworld is still only number six on a Google search of the phrase (as of now, anyway). It's still beat out by an Australian soap opera and songs by Thunderclap Newman and Tom Petty.

Meanwhile, the blogosphere is buzzing with speculation about Wi-Max... really, really light PowerBooks... untethered services and movie downloads for Macs, iPods, and iPhones, and AppleTV.

Maybe. But I'm betting on one of these:

1. Steve Jobs will not appear in person onstage for the Keynote, but will webcast live from overhead as he buzzes San Francisco in the Gulfstream V that the Apple Board of Directors gave him in 2000.

2. Apple will finally offer an aerosole version of Steve Jobs's legendary "Reality Distortion Field." Spray it and get people to believe anything and buy everything.

3. Apple is going to bring us the great Tesla promise of electrical power transmitted through the air. We'll never again have to change or recharge a battery in any remote, phone, camera, toy, or iPod.

4. Apple will announce a strategic alliance with Wham-O to deliver MacBooks shaped like Frisbees. Steve will launch 50 of them out into the keynote audience. One will be caught by a German Shepherd.

5. Steve will have a vegan meal served to folks waiting to get into the keynote which will later induce the entire audience to re-enact the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles.

Mickeleh's Take: In the savviest co-branding stunt since he brought the iTunes store to Starbucks, Apple will join with Cirque du Soleil to replace all the Mac Geniuses with flying trapeze artists who will offer service and support while dangling upside down.

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Anonymous said...

Indeed combining number 3 with number 5 leads us to the answer. The high voltage static electricity of the Tesla inspired system, together with the energy packed wind from the beans number of Blazing Saddles is the one combination from Michael's speculation that is most likely to produce a spectacular pyrotechnic finale. Once which not only recalls Cirque du Soleil, but even more so Burning Man, which itself is the only equal there is to Steve as a bay area cultural Phenonoma. I'll be watching from a safe distance.

Anonymous said...

It's how they're informing employees of the impending HQ move to Alviso.

Kirk Shorte Photography said...

I like the flying trapeze artists idea. That should help increase the productivity of every Mac Genius. They can swing from customer to customer without asking the customers to come to them. Brilliant Steve....